After People get Drunk

 Common lines after People get drunk-

1. tu mera bhai hai

2. Gaadi main chalauga!

3. Mai teri Dil se izzat kartha hun

4. Ye mat samajh ki mai pi kr bol rah hun

5. Tu bol bhaI kya chahiye, tere liye jaan Hazir hai

Hard of Hearing

A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf."

The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."

The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her."Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having RICE!"

Girls complete the job, no matter what :)

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a
woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our
instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will
find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The
agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife
and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said,
"You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was
loaded with false bullets" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the
chair!!"

MORAL: Girls are extremely determined..... Don't mess with them?

Can he stay?

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

CA's Daughter

This CA had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.

The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.

Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classified
as income or as long-term capital gain?"

The Aware Kid

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book padraha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalanposhan kaise kare”.

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalanposhan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.