SBI Employee ki Izzat

Situation : Mother wanted to get a locker opened in SBI and Papa does not want funds to be stuck in FD for locker.

 Mummy: Mein SBI ki branch gayi thi, woh chasme wala manager 50 hazar ki FD maang raha hai for opening the locker.

Papa: Dimmag kharab hai uska, 50 hazar rupe hum kyon block kar k rakhe ek locker k piche....

Mummy:  Maine use bataya bhi ki mera Beta { Thats me :) } SBI mein hai to bhi nahin mana.....

Papa: Yaar RBI ki instructions aayi to thi ki Bank locker k liye FD nahin maang sakte, maine akhbaar mein padhi bhi thi...

Now both of them turn to me.... " To bhi kuch karega"

Me: (Gulp) Yaar FD de dete hain kya jata hain

Papa: Faltu ki baat mat kar mere saath....

Me: Mummy hume kya karna hai locker ka.. Godrej ki Almari mein locker hai to....

Mummy: Accha.. Sab k pass locker hai.. Godrej ki almari safe nahin hai locker to chahiye hi.....

Now both of them get together " Ja k us Manager se Baat kar.... Bol mein bhi SBI mein hun"


Next Morning me standing in front of Manager

Me: Sir woh locker allot kar do

Manager: Bhai 50 hazar ki FD lagegei

Me: Sir mein staff ka hun.....

Manager : To... Maine khud 50 Hazar ki FD rakh k locker liya hai... Staff k logon ko to zayada FD rakhni chahiye taki dusre us se dekh k kuch seekhen.... Kaun se Scale pe ho? Kab Join kiya?


Me walking back in despair. On the way i See Bank of India with the board "Lockers Available". I walk into Branch....

Me: Sir Locker chahiye tha....

BOI: Boss chote locker available hain par 50 hazar ki FD rakhni padegi.... Karte kya ho aap?

Me: Sir, mein SBI mein Manager hun...

BOI: ohhhhhhhoo.... Manager Sahab aaye hain... Chaliye aap 10 hazar ki FD de dijyega... Aap to ek hi biradari k hain... Baki ko accha account ki shareing wagrah ho to mujhe yaad kijeya...

Me: Are sir definitely.... Mere pass acche account aane hi wale hain.. aap ko bhi un mein member bana lenge....

Moral of the Story: SBI Employee ki Izzat SBI se jayada dusre Bank mein hai.....

Unexpected Speech at reliving farewell party

Scene : One of our senior AGM being transferred from Branch and we all are standing in his farewell party. Sh Mohinder lal g is hosting the event.

Me: Thank god Aman yeh ja raha hai.. Mujhe yeh banda pata nahin kyun pasand nahin tha..

Aman : Abe yaar yeh aisa banda hai ki kisi ko bhi pasand nahin hoga..

Me : Bhagwan bachaye future branch k staff ko unhe pata nahin hai ki kya musibat aa rahi hai unke upar

He he he (Both Laughing)

Aman : Saaley iske jaisa Hitler banda maine aaj tak nahin dekha..

Me : Aafat muki

Suddenly Mohinder lal g announces : Koi staff member agar inki tarriff mein kuch kehna chahta hai to most welcome... Ankit g aap kuch kehna chahenge...

Me : (Caught with fish in my mouth... Saaley mein hi mila tha inte bade crowd mein.. Yahan prepare kar k speech nahin boli jaati.. tu acchanak bulwa raha hai)

Me : Sh XX has been very friendly, cooperative, helpful, polite, unselfish, guiding light.... Blah Blah.... Blah Blah....

Love for Dogs

(Scene : A farewell dinner party and everyone is enjoying the drinks, Our DGM (Aged around 50 yrs) who is having a bear mug)

DGM: I have this dog with me for around 9 years and he has been a good pup.


Me: Sir how did you develop this love for dogs?


DGM: LOVE !!!! Are yaar i used to Bloody hate dogs.... Ek baar chote hote i was bitten by a dog since then i used to hate dogs....


Me: Kya baat kar rahe ho sir...


DGM: Aur Kya !!!!! Yeh to woh bacchon mein hota hai na... Papa hume dog rakhna hai papa humen dog rakhna hai... Fir shuru shuru mein ek do saal to khela fer.... Papa Sambhale...


Ab phone kar k puch lete hain.. Aapne use aise khilaya.. Aapne use waise kiya.. Sambhale ki liye kaun PAPA... (taking a long sip from his bear mug).......

Chahe raat ko mein kitne baje bhi soun, yeh bhai sahab subah 5 baje mujhe utha deta hai....

Frustration

Scene : We are sitting in our office and my collegue Panth sir is frustrated with work load.

Our Landline Phone Rings

ME : Good Morning SBI

CLIENT : Good Morning, Kya mein Panth sir se baath kar sakta hun?

Me:  Panth Sir aapka phone hai....

Panth Sir : Yaar mujhe nahin pata use keh de ki mein hun nahin...

After a break of 5 Seconds

YA FER USE KEH DE KI MEIN KABHI THA HI NAHIN............. JAAN KHA RAKHI HAI...

Hadd hai !!!!!

Went to unit visit yesterday in Baddi...

Time 2.30 PM

Me : (Yaar 2 baj gaye saale ne ab tak khaane k liye nahin pucha is se accha to office canteen mein hi kha leta)

Promoter : Sir Aap Godown mein stock inspection bhi karenge?

Me : (Abe yaar Baksh de mujhe... Jaanee dee...) Nahin uski liye hamari stock audit alag se hota hai but i would like to have a look at the stock.

After godown visit and while returning finally promoters stops the car at a restaurant on the way.

Promoter : Ankit G, Bhukh to khaas hai nahin, aap kya lenge?

Me : Kuch Light sa hi le lenge sir.

Promoter : Ok mere liye Amritsari Kulcha aur ankit g k liye ek Juice.

Saale sharam bhi nahin aai mere saamne baith k Amrisari Kulcha kha raha hai aur mujhe ek juice... aisi ki taisi teri..... Aisi back date mein DP cancel karunga teri to $*!@#!.

Visit to Rice Shelling Unit

Today i visited a rice shelling unit in Kaithal, Haryana to inspect its securities offered for the purpose of Bank Loan.

Borrower: Sir, yahan se le k wo wahan tak.... Jahan us Diwar pe Nirma likha hai na wahan tak saari property hamari hai...

Me : Ya ya
(Saaale Nirma chod yahan mujhe woh diwar nahin dikh rahi)
Actually i forgot my glasses home :-)